Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
