I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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