I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
