News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
