I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My penis needs a shock collar
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
