I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
