what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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