so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
