I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
