two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
