She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
