Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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