I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have post one night stand depression
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