She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
