you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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