Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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