u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
