She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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