ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
