are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
