my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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