This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
