We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize