she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
