my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
