i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
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I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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