Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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