I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You smell like stripper and shame
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
