She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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