Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
