Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
