I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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