So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh god it's open bar.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
