u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
