you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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