So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
