she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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