I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
