I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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