Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
