Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
