3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
