Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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