booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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