i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize