JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize