Everything about him screamed your future.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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