I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
