hotel room ftw
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
