i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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