I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You can't special order awesome
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
