If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
