It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
