my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize