My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish you could order shots online.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
