R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
