I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
