Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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