Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
