i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize