Too much gin, very little bucket
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
