if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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