How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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