I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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