Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
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