Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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