Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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