So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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