I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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