Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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