maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
did i just pee glitter
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
