if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
