just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
