he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
