I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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