I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
