So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
