If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize