Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
