I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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