get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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