Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
