Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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