her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
