I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you inspire me to be a worse person
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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