There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
