Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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